Here is my experience of being away from home so far. I hope it helps you somehow.
I think I came into this country expecting a fresh start, yet I didn't expect myself to be caught off-guard when I actually got it. I didn't know that starting up a new life in a place where you have hardly any traces whatsoever would be so hard, and I guess that's where my ache to continue my life started.
Most people begin a new chapter of their lives thinking that the previous ones cease to exist. Here's the reality: your old life will not vanish whatsoever. It still exists. It will be harder to remember details, but you'll find yourself staring at the walls in class retracing the roads you used to walk before. And where my ache aches the most is knowing the fact that it'll never be the same.
There's the fact that I've grown so much. I've grown so much that my previous version seems more like a stranger than myself to me. I've laughed more than I have ever laughed in my life. I've cried more than I've ever in my life. That being said, the part I love the most about this journey is realizing it is continuous. Just because I've settled doesn't mean my journey stops here. This is just the beginning. That's a hopeful thought to have to beat the Sunday blues.
No matter where I go in the world, I'll carry the burden or gift of my previous selves with me. I cannot let them go, even if I wanted to, because they're what makes me me. I cannot forget who I am, who I was- and it will always have a say in who I will be.
Love,
Ruchita.
